I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
