i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I looked at my own cervix.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
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You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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