You smell like a Billy Joel song
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
