he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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