apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
