Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
