I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
