I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
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We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
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If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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