Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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