I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
