then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
