pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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