Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
