I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
