yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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