matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
