he was CRYING into my vagina
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
how do you play pong handcuffed?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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