Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
