After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
