The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
