Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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