i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
