i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
