i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
