I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
