Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
