At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
