Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
