Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
