I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
