Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
