I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
