This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize