The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
