we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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