considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
