im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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