just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
