Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
