Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks