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Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
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