also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie