I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog