its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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