just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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