so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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