I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You're a waste of cheezeits
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
