I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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