I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
