dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
