WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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