If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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