We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
