I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I feel like a drive thru vagina
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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