im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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