I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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