I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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