well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
