It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize