I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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