Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I forget how to act sober
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
