I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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