I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
